what does it mean to have consistency in a relationship?
Being consistent in a relationship is fundamental to its wellbeing. Many human relationship troubles ofttimes stem from the fail of this trait. Today, we'll discover what consistency means in a relationship, why information technology's of import, and how you can develop consistency in your relationships.
TLDR:
What is Consistency in a Human relationship?
Being consistent in a human relationship means being the same person you were from the showtime of the relationship all the way until the finish of the relationship.
Why is Consistency Of import in a Relationship?
Consistency is important in a relationship because it fosters long-term, deep-seated trust and reliance between partners.
How You Can Develop Consistency in Your Relationships:
• Fix Expectations early in the relationship
• Avoid Becoming Conceited
• Keep Communication and Romance Live At All Costs
Join me as nosotros explore this criminally overlooked concept and reply the above questions in-depth. We'll then take it ane pace further and discuss how relationship inconsistency often leads to trouble, and offering advice on what you can do if you ever detect your human relationship defective consistency.
WHAT IS CONSISTENCY IN A Relationship?
Consistency in relationships is essentially knowing what yous're going to go from your romantic partner. More specifically, consistency is when you lot tin can expect close to the same behavior and treatment from your partner over the long term. It's not about being in a state of perpetual bliss, nor is it virtually e'er being there for your partner.
It'south simply nigh being the same person you were yesterday, everyday
Sounds easy plenty right? Wrong. It'south actually harder than a teenage boy at a strip society. Why? Because we get lazy and complacent. Who the hell tin blame united states of america? Information technology'south piece of cake to make an effort to be your best cocky when you've got a engagement with a hot 25-yr one-time stranger. Not so much when you're doing the dishes with your 45-year old significant other that you've seen every day for the last 20 years.
The attraction and chemistry nosotros once took for granted has all but evaporated, and all nosotros're left with now is an asexual but friendly roommate (and that'south if you're lucky).
WHY IS CONSISTENCY IN A RELATIONSHIP IMPORTANT?
An Analogy
Imagine you saved up a bunch of money and bought a new car. It's not the fanciest or fastest of cars, but information technology's got plenty cargo space, it's fuel efficient, and information technology's groovy for the kids.
2 weeks go by and of a sudden the auto is breaking downward every other solar day. How would yous experience? Pissed at the dealership possibly? Pissed at your bad luck? Either way, you're virtually definitely pissed.
You didn't become what you lot paid for. You invested your hard-earned resources into this car, thinking it would exist a reliable workhorse for the next 10 years, only you've instead received a diva-mobile that but ever starts when it feels like it. Imagine your frustration, you'd probably turn as ruddy equally the paint task on your crappy new auto.
Now imagine that instead of investing money into a car, you've invested the best years of your life into a relationship, simply to find out 1 day that your partner is actually completely dissimilar from what you idea they were. This is what it means to exist inconsistent in a relationship. I or both of the parties involved presents themselves a certain way in the beginning of the relationship, but then gradually backslide to a worse (unremarkably lazier and fatter) country over fourth dimension.
The groovy-eyed of you will realize that I've excluded the possibility of one or both parties instead improving over time in my definition of inconsistency. Changes of this nature and their furnishings on relationships will be discussed in a later on article.
What Happens When You Aren't Consistent?
Well, if you aren't consistent in your relationship, and so your partner will never actually be able to depend on yous. They can't. The same fashion you wouldn't risk taking your nightmare car to an important chore interview, your partner will never be able to count on you when things matter the most.
This dynamic, as you can probably tell, is substantially kryptonite to a salubrious relationship. 1 study constitute that the lack of dependability or trust between couples oft results in less happiness and motivation to maintain the relationship[ ane ].
Not good.
What'due south even worse is that inconsistency in a relationship too inspires feelings of uncertainty. If y'all've been with someone for 6 months and they're starting to put on weight, become more than lazy, and generally take less of their shit together than when you starting time met, a few things are going to become through your head.
"Was it all an act?", "Is my partner really a loser?", and "If this happened after only 6 months, what'south the time to come going to look like?" are probably some of the things that intrude into your heed.
You encounter, people try to be rational in their predictions of the future. When you get with someone, y'all form a hypothesis nearly what your hereafter with them will be like based on the information you accept near them.
For example, if you see a hardworking and muscular guy and decide to assemble, your hypothesis is that he's going to be hardworking and muscular forever (or for at least the foreseeable hereafter). If he suddenly turns into a fat slob, that prediction is grossly violated. But if your partner retains his hawtness and conscientiousness for very many years, you will feel secure in the fact that your prediction was correct.
The longer y'all are consistent in a relationship, the more you strengthen your partner'south favorable prediction of your future self, and the more than emotionally secure they will become.
When both partners are emotionally secure, the feelings of doubtfulness all but wash away. This makes it much easier for mutual trust and reliance to develop betwixt partners.
Note: You lot will indeed nigh likely change throughout the course of your relationship. That's fine, you only can't wait your partner to treat you lot the same mode they did before if you aren't the same person every bit before.
HOW TO DEVELOP CONSISTENCY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS (ACTIONABLE STEPS)
ane. Set Realistic Expectations Early In The Relationship
Don't make promises you can't go along, implicit or explicit. For instance, don't bring a girl to an expensive restaurant on the first date and insist on ground the bill if you aren't willing to do this for the rest of your relationship.
As we know, people have a tendency to make predictions about the future with the information we have in the present. If all you exercise is take your date out to expensive restaurants, they're going to expect this treatment into the futurity.
Expectations in a human relationship are formed about as apace every bit first impressions. The final thing you want to practise is to intentionally or unintentionally mislead your potential partner most either. This doesn't mean that you should never have your dates to fancy places. Merely don't do information technology the first few times while the relationship dynamic is yet being figured out.
2. Avoid Becoming Complacent
If your relationship is ever on the rocks, ask yourself the ABC's: A1000 I Becoming Complacent?
In most situations, the answer is almost always yes. Long term relationships are tough, they take a lot of attempt and commitment to pull off correctly. I'1000 non just talking nearly the time and endeavour you accept to invest into the relationship, I'm too talking about the fourth dimension and attempt you have to invest into yourself.
Your life might exist a sure way when you first meet someone: You might be super jacked physically, accept interesting hobbies, and accept a strong social circle y'all frequently spend time with. Two years downwardly the line though, and your lifestyle will take virtually likely changed. Maybe you lot don't have fourth dimension for your hobbies anymore, you don't come across your friends as much, and the just jacking you lot're doing is jacking midnight snacks from the fridge.
What happened is that you lot've become conceited. Look, I get information technology, things change, people change, and snacks taste good.
But recollect, your partner didn't sign upward for a flabby boring loser. Your partner signed up for the hawt interesting mega-cool person you used to exist. What you need to do here to restore consistency is go the person you were when you first met your partner. Make time and invest it in yourself.
iii. Proceed Advice And Romance Alive At All Costs
It's probably the case that you're not spending as much intimate time with your partner every bit you used to when you first met. That's fine and completely normal.
What isn't fine is if information technology stops completely. Your human desires for romance need to be satisfied somehow. If you aren't getting information technology at abode, and so you lot're more probable to go looking for information technology elsewhere. That's when the trouble starts.
Restore consistency by retaining intimate time with your partner. Get on dates, maybe not as ofttimes as you used to, but try to shoot for at least once a week. You don't want to terminate up with an asexual flatmate, exercise you lot?
Information technology'south probably also the case that the quality of your communication as a couple has deteriorated over time. Yous probably aren't upward to appointment almost what's going on in your partner's life more than they know what's going on in yours.
It'due south important to be consistent in communication, peculiarly in a long term relationship. Understand where your partner is in life: what they're trying to do, what their goals are, and how you fit into them. Equally, tell them nigh your life and your goals. Put in effort to communicate your expectations in the relationship, and bring attention to setbacks or unmet expectations when they arise.
Attempt to set aside 1-ii hours a calendar week for effortful communication, peradventure during a leisurely walk exterior with your partner.
How To Apply This Information in Your Life
If you like what you've learnt and intend to utilise some of the tips from this article in your own relationships, at that place is 1 thing you must remember: Utilise them slowly but consistently.
Rather than try to implement all these big sweeping changes from the go go, take your time and outset small. Big changes aren't sustainable, neither for you nor your partner. For instance, if you are now overweight and want to become fit again, you lot should follow a fettle routine you tin stick to, i that fits into your schedule every bit conveniently as possible. If y'all just try to hit the gym six times a week from the beginning, y'all're much more than likely to fail.
In the aforementioned way, if yous of a sudden demand 2 dates and 2 hours of effortful communication every calendar week from your partner coming from zero, you're going to raise an eyebrow or two. It's going to experience forced and inorganic, and equally a effect, your efforts will be disbelieved and met with apprehension.
Decision
Consistency in a relationship is an overlooked but crucial chemical element of whatever good for you relationship. Information technology essentially boils down to being the aforementioned person y'all were when you starting time met your partner, for the entirety of the human relationship.
This is of import to practise because as we discussed, our partners brand decisions based on the data they have in the present: "I like Josh considering he's fit, interesting, and has cool friends". If Josh of a sudden becomes fat, boring, and loses all his friends, then his long term partner probably get-go to rethink her decision.
To avert falling into this pit of snakes, I've recommended 3 things you tin can practice to establish and maintain consistency in your relationships.
Commencement – Set realistic expectations for the relationship dynamic early on on in the relationship. This is key to long-term sustainability.
2d – Remember to Avoid Becoming Complacent. This will save you lot a lot of work in the hereafter. Take care of yourself and make time to do the things you used to do before you met your partner.
Third – Brand sure to keep communication and romance live in your relationship. That way, you lot won't stop upward with an unfriendly asexual flatmate in the place of a romantic life partner.
Bonus Tip – Staying truthful to yourself and not changing your behavior to impress potential partners will brand implementing the beginning and 2nd tip much easier.
The adversities of life are brutal and plentiful. You want a romantic partner who you can count on and volition ground you in times of peril, not contribute to the already abundant anarchy in your life. Becoming consequent and maintaining consistency in your relationships will enable you to get this unwavering emotional anchor for your partner, which will in turn inspire them to be the aforementioned for yous.
REFERENCES
1. Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. 1000., & Zanna, M. P. (1985). Trust in close relationships. Journal of personality and social psychology, 49(ane), 95.
Source: https://sorexis.com/consistency-in-relationships/
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